
Social anxiety
in the outside i can be a very social person - i would go out pretty much on friday, saturday and sometimes tuesday nights and days. i get involved in the community, that kinds of stuff. inside, i get really anxious - the one thing that gets me anxious is that im scared of what people will say to me on certain issues. im scared of people going up to me, telling me that im a slut, a poser, an artist wannabe, that im not supposed to be friends with them, about the stupid and regretful things i did in the past....i would get so paranoid and in that moment, i get so caught up that i would si....but when i look at the situation maybe several hours after that moment, thing usually get better for me. that's why i need a trusting friend to be with me - so that she can set things straight. i am that type of person to walk into a room at a party and think "god, these people hate me...these people despise me...these people don't want to talk to me...these people are embarassed of me...." that sort of things would run into my mind, and i would get this overwhelming anxiety and thoughts of rationality - like 1) these people are my friends, 2) these people are actually talking/joking/conversing with me and so forth. the thing is though, i don't realise this until several hours later...but i would get so angry, upset, regretful and everything in that moment in time
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